


It's Raining

by Kaniner



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives Except Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins Dies, Grief, Grieving, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 15:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4569462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaniner/pseuds/Kaniner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Squinty Bagginshield, can be easily seen as friendship)<br/>Prompted by Maes Hughes's funeral scene. Thorin's thoughts long after the battle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Raining

It was spring.

 

It was warm, but the chill of evening was quickly settling in. The sun was lowering, casting the field in yellow hues. The clouds were scarce, fluffy and in soft shades of pink and purple against the setting sky.

 

It was a lovely day.

 

“It should have been dark and stormy,” Thorin thought. “Terrible days shouldn't have such pleasant weather.”

 

He would have liked it. He would have sat in the grass, soaking up the sun and prattling on about some shrub growing about or some meal he'd eaten. Talking, complaining. Living.   
  


The blood of the fallen on the barren land before Erebor had been replaced with lush grass and blooming trees. A lone oak tree had been growing astonishingly fast – Thorin suspected Thranduil had given the sapling his blessing.   
  
The stone city was still undergoing repairs that would take a decade to finish, but Erebor was starting to look like a home again. It was no longer a tomb that stank of dragonfire and ruin.  
  


The dwarves had been properly honoured and laid to rest in the halls of their ancestors. Fili and Kili had been on the mend for months, but finally the boys were back to their old selves. They regained their cheer and love of mischief. Thorin couldn't find it in himself to be truly annoyed at their pranks -he thought he would never be their victim again.   
  


Their mother's impending return promised more joy and mischief. The family would be complete again -or as close as possible, rather.

 

It was more than Thorin had hoped for when they started their adventure.

 

Really, he had reclaimed his kingdom and all his kin kept their lives. He really hadn't lost anything he had started with.

 

He hadn't counted on gaining a new friend. Nor losing one.

 

The one loss felt like it cost a thousand.

 

There had been no glorious ceremony. They didn't sing songs or build statues to honour him. He wasn't burned in a pyre or shrouded in stone. He wouldn't have wanted that.

 

He was returned to the earth quietly, with only the company and Gandalf present. Ori fashioned a crown of flowers and placed it before the single stone marking his place.

 

The company shared memories they had and grieved together. One by one, they left until only Thorin remained.

 

Thorin stared down at the stone, plain. Simple. Honouring all who fell, as hobbits weren't fond of singular stones. But the company knew who it really was for.

 

“You shouldn't have come,” Thorin nearly hissed. “Did I not tell you that? You should have listened.

From the beginning, I knew you had heart but weren't fit for battle. Right after we started away from the troll's camp, I knew. The small, _whiny_ thing was braver than I first thought.

  
When the orcs attacked, I could see the tremors of fear in your hands. You had been frozen in place with terror when the fighting had begun. But then you started swinging your little letter opener with too-broad, clumsy swings, like a child first holding a stick and playing swordsman. No skill. No strategy, just blind fear propelling you.

 

You gave it your all to fight for our lives -my life.

 

I do not fear death. If I am to be honest, I wished for it for a long time. I wanted to die in glory after reclaiming Erebor, leaving the throne to Fili and Kili.

 

But you... you _did_ fear death. You wanted to live a long, happy life surrounded by food and comforts. 

 

To fight anyway, you were far braver than I. You fought to live  _because_ you were afraid, but for more than just yourself. 

 

I felt.. ashamed. 

 

I had asked my kith and kin to join this perilous quest, risking all their lives while selfishly wishing to sacrifice mine. They were willing,  _you_ were willing to put their lives in danger for one who didn't value his own. 

 

I felt so bitter towards you for a long time. You corrupted the idea of this noble quest by making me face the truth. I took my anger and frustration out on you to assuage my guilt.

 

You bore my abuse and turned me into a friend. 

 

It should have been me, my burglar. Not because I still wish to die. But you were never supposed to. 

 

I had not even entertained the idea. You were far too quick, too clever and stealthy to be caught or killed. I should have known you would not sit the fighting out. 

 

You have no skill or knowledge than any of the farmhands that fought for Laketown, yet you lacked their strength. I suppose they weren't much more equipped for war than you.

 

But all of the hearts in this land couldn't measure up to your own. 

 

Bilbo... may Eru grant you all that you desired. I hope you've found green pastures, a warm fire and armchair to read your books.

 

I wish you the world, for you have been mine.”

 

Balin had silently walked to stand next to Thorin after he completed his goodbye. He didn't speak, just stood with his hands at his back, taking in the scenery. 

 

“Are you all right, lad?” he asked after a while. 

 

“Yes,” Thorin said. “Ah... It looks like it's beginning to rain.”

 

“No, I don't think so,” Balin said. He looked confused to his King, then his eyes turned sombre. 

 

Thorin was facing away, tears streaming down his cheeks. “No... It's raining all right.”

 

“Ah. You're right. So it is,” Balin said and sighed. “We should get back. It's starting to get cold.”

 

“Yes.”

 

 

End

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thorin's speech was from a drabble that was stuffed in my desk for the longest time because I couldn't incorporate it into any of my stories. Then I drew the screenshot from Fullmetal Alchemist and decided to write this out.


End file.
